just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
