After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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