Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
