its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
