I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
