So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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