covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
