I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
