I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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