Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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