My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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