that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
