Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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