I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thank you for not boning my boss.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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