Your tits are I can't wait for
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
