when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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