can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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