I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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