good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
