OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
