i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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