In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
