this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
