Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
