Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
