You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
