I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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