she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
