Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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