Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
