And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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