I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize