who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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