this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
