Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
