WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
