God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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