My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
