No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
