I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
