My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
