someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
