Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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