Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
