so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
