Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
God, I missed his penis.
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