made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
