We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
