So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize