Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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