I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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