My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
