Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize