Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
