no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
