Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
