I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
