is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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