I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
