And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
