Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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