i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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