He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
