I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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