First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
