People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
