Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
