That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
