Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
