dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
