what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
