Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
