Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
