well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
