he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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