my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
