OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
