the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
