$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
