they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
