I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
