I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
