I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize