Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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