Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
