he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
