How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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